by student blogger Leah
I had a desperate, gripping sensation while I walked around campus today. Its akin to the feeling you get when you are with someone who makes you happy in a way that is simultaneously hopeful and tragic because their current presence makes you feel invincible but the possibility of their absence makes your heart hurt in a way that manifests itself as physical pain.
Do you know that feeling? I hope that everyone gets a chance to experience it at least once because it somehow manages to occupy both ends of a spectrum and feels slightly superhuman until it feels exhausting.
CIA's campus makes me feel that way because I'm graduating in just under 4 months and I will no longer haunt these grounds. I will no longer have access to the library with its squeaky leather couches and comforting fireplace in the winter. I will no longer be able to sample chocolate banana tarts, chocolate creme brulee, and blueberry pie all in one week night dinner (I said I was feeling desperate today). I will no longer have access to a collection of food masterminds who are maybe a bit difficult to deal with at times but invaluable when it comes to food questions--I'm looking at you, chefs. I will no longer casually run into my friends at dinner or in the hallway or in the grocery store. I will no longer swipe a card for a meal and interact with a human being who is sharing my path of culinary education. I will no longer talk to people at parties about wine lists, James Beard awards, or that one time in Cuisines of Asia...
This day and these moments are all that I'm really sure of and all that I really have, so I know that I have to appreciate them and not worry about the future. What I'm aiming for is to strike a balance between being aware of the fleeting nature of my time here at CIA while also appreciating every corner of my current situation. Its not easy and today, I am overwhelmed at the thought of leaving but I will keep trying to marry awareness and appreciation.